Draco's Dates
by Keikokin
Summary: A ficlet that explains why Draco has had so many dates. COMPLETE SLASH malemale relationship


Draco's Dates by Keikokin

OK this was a joke I heard but I **had** to make it into a short story ahem short

_Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended._

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Rating: R

Draco Malfoy is definitely one of the best looking guys at Hogwarts. When he realized he was gay he also decided as a Malfoy he would only settle for the best, most hung and handsomest man at Hogwarts. But did you know he had sixty dates before he met the man of his dreams? That's right SIXTY! SO what if some people though he was a slut, a bicycle, or a player? He had to have the BEST. After all what would Daddy say?

Let's just listen into the one-liners that killed each date. Shall we?

1st date " I've smoked fatter joints than that."

2nd date. "Ahh, it's cute."

3rd date "Who circumcised you?"

4th date "Why don't we just cuddle?"

5th date "You know they have surgery to fix that."

6th date " It's more fun to look at."

7th date "Make it dance."

8th date "You know, there's a tower in Italy like that."

9th date "Can I paint a smiley face on that?"

10th date "It looks like a night crawler."

11th date "Wow, and your feet are so big."

12th date "My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger."

13th date "It's ok, we'll work around it."

14th date " Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?"

15th date "Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh!"

16th date "Will it squeak if I squeeze it?"

17th date "Oh no, a flash headache."

18th date ":giggled and pointed:

19th date "Can I be honest with you?"

20th date "My 8-year-old cousin has one like that."

21st date "Let me go get my tweezers."

22nd date "How sweet, you brought incense."

23rd date " This explains your enchanted car."

24th date "You must be a growing boy."

25th date "Maybe if we water it, it'll grow?"

26th date "Thanks, I needed a toothpick."

27th date "Are you one of those pygmies?"

28th date "Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?"

29th date "Every heard of the engorgement charm?

30th date "All right, a treasure hunt!"

31st date " I didn't know they came that small!"

32nd date "Why is God punishing you?"

33rd date "At least this won't take long."

34th date "I never saw one like that before!"

35th date " What do you call this?"

36th date "But it still works, right?"

37th date "Damn, I hate baby-sitting."

38th date "It looks so unused."

39th date "Are you part dwarf?"

40th date "I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it."

41st date " Maybe it looks better in natural light."

42nd date "Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?"

43rd date "Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident."

44th date "Do you have house elf blood?"

45th date "Aww, it's hiding."

46th date "Are you cold?"

47th date "If you get me real drunk first – maybe."

48th date "Is that an optical illusion?"

49th date "What is that?"

50th date "I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry."

51st date "Were you neutered?"

52nd date "It's a bloody good thing you have so many other talents!"

53rd date "Does it come with omni-occulars?

54th date "So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality!"

55th date "Where are the puppet strings?"

56th date "Your big gun is more like a pea shooter."

57th date "Look, really where is it?"

58th date "OH Never mind, why bother!"

59th date "Is that a second belly button?"

60th date "SO Where's the rest of it?"

SO poor Draco was really ready to take the Death Mark now. When he had a dare to go out on a date with Harry Potter. Draco figured what the hell? He could have the best laugh at all. But when Harry Potter finally dropped his pants Draco's eyes went wide and he said the one-liner to end his one-night stands.

"SO THAT'S WHY THEY CALL YOU THE GOLDEN BOY!"

Draco quickly turned in his parents to the Ministry of Magic, helped Harry kill Voldemort and the Death Eaters then married him. Now at Malfoy Manor instead of one line jokes there are whole new one-liners.

"YES BABY, CATCH MY SNITCH!"

"PLEASE LET ME RIDE YOUR NIMBUS!"

"NO I GET BOTTOM DAMNIT!"

"WIGGLE THAT WAND!"

SO you see kiddies you really can live happily shagging after!


End file.
